I know we might refer to these as a consent violation, however I am talking about specific consent violations. Those times you are at a Kink event, Kink friendly munch or dungeon party and an individual who you don’t know thinks because you are “THERE” they have consent to touch you, take pictures of you or address you in some inappropriate manner.
Yes! Sitting in the community area of a dungeon; after the cuddle and after-care phase, someone I did not know walked up and put his hand on my bare shoulder.
“Are you alright?”
“I’m fine!” I said angrily pulling away.
“You seem agitated.”
“You’re touching me, and I don’t know you!”
“OH, I’m sorry just wanted to be sure.”
This is shortened, but I think you understand. And before anyone comments yes, we informed security at this event.
At that moment I was shocked. Who would dare touch someone they did not know in a public dungeon, at an EVENT? There are signs everywhere saying DON’T DO THIS! So, it was the last place I expected it. Then guilt crept in. My first few events I had expected the possibility of some errant moron, thinking they could claim me as their own. However, almost two years later, it was a surprise. Was it my fault, had a let my guard down? Had he noticed me looking at his shoes a few minutes earlier and assumed invitation?
We were at an event where the organizers and everyone present was familiar with us. But even the people who know us, would ask before a friendly hug. And if they were concerned for my safety that’s not how they would have approached me.
Yes, it can happen. It has happened to me on three occasions in two years; not exactly that way, but still some unexpected way in a place I assumed I was safe. As a community we can’t let our guard down. We must continue to educate, to prevent such violations becoming a more regular occurrence.
What if I was new myself? Without the protection of my Dom I would have been vulnerable to someone who had more harmful intentions.
My point is it’s easy to become complacent in these settings. I became comfortable. I trust my Dom and it has always been swiftly and diplomatically dealt with. Others may not be so lucky.
Consent is never implied.