subs’ world

travels through the world of submission & mental illness .

No two submissives are alike and no two journeys exactly the same. CW: This is my journey into the kink, self discovery, and the exploration of BDSM’s positive influence on my mental health. Please be aware most of this site is NSFW, and discussions about my mental health may be triggering to some.

How many ways can my anxiety count the days?

Content note for self-harm One-day, two-day, three-day, eighty. It seems ironic that my mental health would take a nosedive in May: Mental Health Awareness Month. During this time, I am more cognizant of possible mental health issues, reading articles, meditating, and writing about mental health more. However, as time ticks on, I am aware that… Continue reading →

The Justified Beating?

I identify as submissive and only play with one person: my Dom. However, I was recently asked to top someone for a very specific scene. I declined. Not for the reason you may think. This was a unique situation. This person was struggling with submission and needed the catharsis. I understand the need for purging;… Continue reading →

I am chaos. You can’t handle my chaos.

It’s almost impossible for anyone other than a therapist to handle my anxiety. If you were to see us at events, I appear the sweet submissive, fifties housewife. I look put together and polished, exhibiting proper protocols, always collected, calm and self-assured. What you don’t see is the churning chaos under the surface. That possibility… Continue reading →

The effects of social distancing on my anxiety.

I get to work from home!  I was relieved, and maybe a little excited to be given permission to disconnect socially for the foreseeable future. It meant I would be avoiding the daily onslaught of people and things that influenced my ability to manage my Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). Lacking a commute meant sleeping in,… Continue reading →

It hurts

Today it hurts My mental illness tries to own me The anxiety throws me into the undertow The depression drags me under I worry if Sir will see me struggling and pull me out Will He notice or will I quietly slip away Then He takes my hand He grabs my collar He looks into… Continue reading →

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