The acts of nurture, service, and love

If you have ever seen us in public and commented on my clothing, you know my standard response is, “Dr. Payne buys all my dresses!” I say it with a smile. It is a dictated protocol response, however people who know me personally know how much I love this. The phrase is attached to the act. Dr. Payne buys the dresses to be sure of a certain look, but I am the one who makes an effort to pair items together with the proper makeup for the look He loves so much. I love getting dressed up for Dr. Payne – for events, for date night, for Him. His look when I have perfectly achieved the pinup style that I adore is priceless. I feel pretty and wanted. He feels honored and proud to see His Kitten well adorned. These are balms for an old wound of feeling ugly and unwanted.

There are other aspects of my outward appearance that are not part of our Power Exchange Dynamic but are still within the form of service. This involves the other member of our group: Princess. There is no Power Exchange between Princess and myself; we have a more intimate relationship than just lovers. The things we do for each other are acts of love. Princess has become my nail artist, but this is more than just painting my nails and making them pretty. There is a sincere intimacy in the touching of hands and feet, the tender caress on my hand as she grooms my nails, and even the quick tug bringing my hand back into place when I become distracted. In these moments between us, it is just us in silence enjoying the simple touch. This is the balm for an old wound of thinking that I was not good enough to let others do anything for me.

Putting on makeup is an act of grooming and service to myself. It becomes an act of service and bonding when Princess wants to do my makeup – girl time! Even the simple act of bathing myself is service to Dr. Payne. I must care for Sir’s property.

Then there are the times one of us is not well due to some physical illness, or a chronic issue that flares up. In these moments of physical or emotional pain, we care for each other. In these moments we are reminded that we serve the Collar, and of what it means to love each other.

This is not just Power Exchange, we are family. My service to Dr. Payne is not just service; I love this man and I love to serve Him. The service of presenting Dr. Payne or Princess an evening drink is an act that brings me great joy. This is a shared act of communion.

It becomes this circle of serving each other; service does not equal submission. The acts of service become a form of healing old wounds: damage others have done to us, and damage we have done to ourselves.

When you see us in public, when you see me on social media, you will know that I am healing those around me, and I am constantly being healed.

My consent is never implicit.

Photo by Katarzyna Kos on Unsplash

I know we might refer to these as a consent violation, however I am talking about specific consent violations. Those times you are at a Kink event, Kink friendly munch or dungeon party and an individual who you don’t know thinks because you are “THERE” they have consent to touch you, take pictures of you or address you in some inappropriate manner.

Yes! Sitting in the community area of a dungeon; after the cuddle and after-care phase, someone I did not know walked up and put his hand on my bare shoulder.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine!” I said angrily pulling away.

“You seem agitated.”

“You’re touching me, and I don’t know you!”

“OH, I’m sorry just wanted to be sure.”

This is shortened, but I think you understand. And before anyone comments yes, we informed security at this event.

At that moment I was shocked. Who would dare touch someone they did not know in a public dungeon, at an EVENT? There are signs everywhere saying DON’T DO THIS! So, it was the last place I expected it. Then guilt crept in. My first few events I had expected the possibility of some errant moron, thinking they could claim me as their own. However, almost two years later, it was a surprise. Was it my fault, had a let my guard down? Had he noticed me looking at his shoes a few minutes earlier and assumed invitation?

We were at an event where the organizers and everyone present was familiar with us. But even the people who know us, would ask before a friendly hug. And if they were concerned for my safety that’s not how they would have approached me.

Yes, it can happen. It has happened to me on three occasions in two years; not exactly that way, but still some unexpected way in a place I assumed I was safe. As a community we can’t let our guard down. We must continue to educate, to prevent such violations becoming a more regular occurrence.

What if I was new myself? Without the protection of my Dom I would have been vulnerable to someone who had more harmful intentions.

My point is it’s easy to become complacent in these settings. I became comfortable. I trust my Dom and it has always been swiftly and diplomatically dealt with. Others may not be so lucky.

Consent is never implied.