I Am okay with that

In my first public scene, I was terrified. I knew Dr. Payne expected me to be naked. He intended to help me get over my personal body issues. He was also testing my trust and obedience.

My personal self-image has come a long way even if there are moments, I loathe all the little imperfections and scars.

For the most part, being part of the kink community has given me a new outlook on how beautiful we all are all of our differences are what makes us beautiful.

For today here I stand in the open, naked in nature confident and happy with the image of me I see. Today I am okay with me.

Warmth

I love the sexy lacy things but still, there are the moments I just still want to just be naked. It’s cold, and hardwood floors do not give warmth. Therefore here I am cuddled in a warm blanket.

Her skin

Her skin, the feel, and smell of her are near to a kink. When we’re close together, I can’t get enough; I nuzzle her, I bite her.

I am continually amazed at my desire for her and her consent to my nibbles and exploring hands. I could eat her for hours.

The space in my head

Subspace; it starts as soon as the binding are on. It continues, it deepens as we make our way through the scene.

The pounding leather on my back and tickling of electricity all work to bring out the screams, the release.

Slowly one tear rolls down my cheek. Soon they are pouring, tears and snot running around my gag.

I scream and spit around the gag. All the emotional pain: I scream it all out.

There is no more room for this in the space in my head. I only want the calm of subspace where everything feels right.

The Cold Air

Photo by Oleg Magni from Pexels

The soft black cloth went over my eyes. Take away my sense of sight, and I am instantly turned on. I find being blindfolded, unable to see, relying only on my trust in my Dom, as a level up on my submission. It is yet another way I show Him how much I trust him. The feeling of total surrender, and no chance of turning back turns me on beyond what my old vanilla self could comprehend.

We drove for what felt like hours. I had no idea where Sir was taking me. As we drove the normal sounds of city traffic slowly faded away. Sir was playful, occasionally he had reached over and caressed my knee, then thigh, my neck.

“You are so sexy Kitten. Who do you belong to?”

My reply was charged with an extra amount of sexual tension. “I belong to you, Sir.”

I felt the shift of the car as it traveled winding roads. The popping of my ears several times indicated we had traveled to higher elevations. I heard the car tires crunch on gravel as we came to a stop.

I noted the opening of Sirs car door and there was more crunching of gravel as He walked to my side of the car and opened my door. I was dressed as I had been instructed, a light sundress and comfortable shoes. I felt a cool breeze. Sir unbuckled me and helped me to my feet. As I stood inhaling the fresh mountain air. It was cooler here. I heard Him close and the passenger door, and I felt a soft fleece blanket placed around my shoulders.

“Wait here.” He said. I sensed Sir walking to the back of the car, and I heard the trunk open and close.

Taking my hand, we began to walk. “Follow me.”

“Yes Sir!” I replied.

“Do you trust me?” He asked moving so close to my ear it became warm.

“Yes Sir. I trust you.” I smiled with anticipation of experiencing something unknown. This not knowing what a scene will be is a kink for me, the anticipation is part of the thrill. I have agreed to this, I understand deeply what it means to surrender.

I was led across uneven ground feeling the crisp air on my face, hearing the dry leaves under my feet.

Occasionally we stopped as He guided me over an obstacle. Then suddenly we stopped, and I heard Him drop what sounded like a duffle bag. Suddenly the blanket was yanked off my shoulders. I heard the blanket fall on crunching leaves.

“Sir, may I pee?” I asked tentatively. It had been an exceptionally long drive.

“Yes, Kitten you may. Do it right here where you stand. Don’t take off your panties.”

I did as I was told. I let my bladder empty and felt the warm liquid create a little pool in my panties before it gave way and ran through the material and down my legs. This was an amazing feeling

Sir asked again, “Do you trust me?” before I could answer, he added, “This is the last opportunity to turn back.”

“I trust you Sir. I know I am safe.”

“Present for binding. “ Sir commanded.

I stretched both arms straight in front of me, and felt the familiar soft lined leather cuffs, placed on my wrists. My arms were each pulled, extended out and up, presumably to trees. Next, He bound my ankles, and my legs were stretched wide. The last act of binding was to remove my day collar and put on my true collar. “Mine.” He whispered in my ear.   

I felt a cool breeze, goose bumps popped up all over my skin. It was not just because of the cold. The explicit feeling of abandonment had my nipples so hard they hurt. My pussy was already wet and could smell the intoxicating aroma of urine mixed with the scent of arousal.

I heard Sir rustling through the bag, items were thrown out on ground, and suddenly the unmistakable sound of chain. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t felt the chain yet, just the sound gives me goose bumps. The chain was dropped near my feet, but not close enough to touch.

“We are in the middle of nowhere.” Sir was back at my side. “I can do whatever I want, nobody can stop me. You can’t stop me.”

There it was that flicker of fear as my gut clenched. “I trust you.” My voice quivered, and I am not sure who I was trying to convince, Him or me.

I felt something cold on my neck, just below my ear, then a sharp point lightly pressing into my skin. A knife was now being trailed across my neck and down toward my cleavage. I heard the tearing and ripping as he sliced through the front of the dress.  More tearing as he slowly cut the dress off of me, and I felt it fall away.

Despite the cold air I was hot and sweaty. Sir continued to cut away my clothing. My bra, slowly one strap at a time. Then I waited, breathing heavily, for what might come next. The sexual energy was so intense I thought I might have an orgasm from the anticipation alone.

I waited, breathing, sensing that He was just standing there, watching me. I suddenly wondered; might he just leave me like this. I could hear birds and the sound of the wind through the trees, but nothing else no traffic or city noise. We were miles from anything. He was enjoying the anticipation, I was certain of it, and I was certain there was much more to come.

I have no idea how long I stood there, shivering waiting. Then He moved again, placing the side of knife blade against my pussy lips through my soaked panties. Next, he drug the knife up, and sliced one side of my panties. He slowly drug the knife over to the next side, one last slice and I was completely naked.

I felt the drip of sexual anticipation run from my pussy down my inner thigh. More moments of nothing. I was beginning to wonder if I might orgasm or die from anticipation, maybe both. I heard His pants unzipping, and clothes being discarded. From behind I felt a hand between my legs as He felt my wet pussy, then suddenly His thick cock shoved into me. His member was harder and thicker than I ever remembered, and for a moment I almost panicked. Had He betrayed a hard limit, was this someone else? No this was my Sir, it must be.  He began to fuck me slowly pounding into me and I came violently squirting all over his cock. It was made intense from the hours of anticipation.

He pulled out, and there was more waiting. He was breathing heavily. I heard him move in front of me now and felt his warm lips on my clit. This was my Sir. The man who knows my needs and wants so well. He sucked and licked, and stuck his fingers inside me, I did not take long to cum all over his fingers, and I continued to cum for many more minutes. He continued to eat my pussy until my knees were beginning to buckle. The only thing keeping me upright were the bindings stretching me open and exposed.

Sir moved up the front of my body and sucked my nipples, it was intense, they were so rigid a sharp pain ran through them. I came again.

My legs were sticky.

Sir moved once again to my back, and again His cock entered my pussy, slowly he fucked me: one two three four orgasms, they just kept coming and he kept thrusting into me, deep and hard like I love.

I knew the noises; I could tell Sir was close to cumming. Suddenly he bit into my neck, and I came with Sir; it was that electric type of orgasm the kind that feels like a needle of electricity driving up through my clit.

I was limp, hanging from my binds. I began to shake, followed shortly by the sobbing that accompanies an intense sexual scene.

I felt the blanket wrap around my shoulders, and my arms and legs were released, and Sir lowered me to the ground. He wrapped his arms around me, and we laid on forest floor. The blindfold was removed.

“I love you Kitten.”

“I love you Sir,”

A simple Spanking

Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

Random spankings, I love these. Those moments of normal domestic life when I pass Dr. Payne, and he grabs me, bends me over something and swats my ass a few times. I love that warm feeling like my butt is glowing. Such a lovely innocent way to put kink into our everyday routine. Those brief moments when I can focus on us and our power exchange.

However, on this occasion something was different. I thought nothing of it when we passed each other in the bedroom one Saturday morning, and Dr. Payne bent me over the bed. I smiled with anticipation.

Two or three swats, and instead of the calm warmth I often feel; I was clawing at the bed cover with dread of what I was suddenly aware was about to happen.  I felt it welling up in my chest, that tight feeling, as my eyes began to water. It only took a moment:  I was sobbing.

These were not tears of pain, instead it was that gasping, clawing, mewling sob that comes from somewhere deep inside until it makes its way to the surface in cathartic release. I wasn’t even a planned release we often expect from a scene, when we know we need to get something out. This was sudden, shocking and I was unprepared for it.

Was it actually the spanking or had the process started as soon as I bent over? Putting myself in a physical position of surrender reminds me that Dr. Payne has me, he owns. He wants me to express my pain. In expressing my pain and releasing all my suppressed negative emotions, I am more capable of fully surrendering.

Misery requires attention, and the pain gives me an opportunity to focus on that thing some frustration or emotion pain that must be addressed.  If I give in and allow the cleansing of the emotional wound, I am opening myself up for growth. It would be so easy to just accept the pain but ignore where the core of the pain is coming from.

If I didn’t allow the cleansing, but instead used the pain as a distraction from whatever it was, I really needed to confront or focus on, I would be missing an amazing opportunity for healing and growth.

Often what I need to release is as minor as some frustration from a bad work week. However, this time, as can often be the case, it was is so much more: The buildup of weeks of stress. In some cases, it is an accumulation of years of emotional pain I have tried desperately to bury and ignore. But here it was these raw emotions spilling out onto the bed cover.

Though I may try to presume most days are ordinary they are not always. Somedays my anxiety is set off by the smallest of things: Two or more people at work demanding my attention at once, an errant driving cutting me off on the highway, or even some small task I forgot to do suddenly remembered. The act of submitting for Dr Payne in these moments allow me the opportunity to expel unresolved emotions. My pain, anxiety, and thoughts about the world around me, are not random they are opportunities for growth.