If you have ever seen us in public and commented on my clothing, you know my standard response is, “Dr. Payne buys all my dresses!” I say it with a smile. It is a dictated protocol response, however people who know me personally know how much I love this. The phrase is attached to the act. Dr. Payne buys the dresses to be sure of a certain look, but I am the one who makes an effort to pair items together with the proper makeup for the look He loves so much. I love getting dressed up for Dr. Payne – for events, for date night, for Him. His look when I have perfectly achieved the pinup style that I adore is priceless. I feel pretty and wanted. He feels honored and proud to see His Kitten well adorned. These are balms for an old wound of feeling ugly and unwanted.
There are other aspects of my outward appearance that are not part of our Power Exchange Dynamic but are still within the form of service. This involves the other member of our group: Princess. There is no Power Exchange between Princess and myself; we have a more intimate relationship than just lovers. The things we do for each other are acts of love. Princess has become my nail artist, but this is more than just painting my nails and making them pretty. There is a sincere intimacy in the touching of hands and feet, the tender caress on my hand as she grooms my nails, and even the quick tug bringing my hand back into place when I become distracted. In these moments between us, it is just us in silence enjoying the simple touch. This is the balm for an old wound of thinking that I was not good enough to let others do anything for me.
Putting on makeup is an act of grooming and service to myself. It becomes an act of service and bonding when Princess wants to do my makeup – girl time! Even the simple act of bathing myself is service to Dr. Payne. I must care for Sir’s property.
Then there are the times one of us is not well due to some physical illness, or a chronic issue that flares up. In these moments of physical or emotional pain, we care for each other. In these moments we are reminded that we serve the Collar, and of what it means to love each other.
This is not just Power Exchange, we are family. My service to Dr. Payne is not just service; I love this man and I love to serve Him. The service of presenting Dr. Payne or Princess an evening drink is an act that brings me great joy. This is a shared act of communion.
It becomes this circle of serving each other; service does not equal submission. The acts of service become a form of healing old wounds: damage others have done to us, and damage we have done to ourselves.
When you see us in public, when you see me on social media, you will know that I am healing those around me, and I am constantly being healed.