I identify as submissive and only play with one person: my Dom. However, I was recently asked to top someone for a very specific scene. I declined.
Not for the reason you may think. This was a unique situation. This person was struggling with submission and needed the catharsis. I understand the need for purging; that release is freeing!
I have a grievance with this person we were trying to move past. Could this be what we needed to get there?
In this case I am not certain release would happen in the way that was needed and expected. My decision to not seek resolution in this manner was based on some important concerns. At the root, I believe this person has chosen to submit only because they want to please a partner. I am also aware this person has very low self-worth. Potentially this leads to a belief that this is what they deserve. Not a healthy motivation in BDSM.
If a person is denying themselves, and their true intentions and come into kink from an emotionally unhealthy place, do they truly understand what they are consenting to? At its core I could potentially do far more damage than any potential healing. True healing can only happen if they really want to be healed.
As a top in a scene there is a certain amount of responsibility. The bottom is putting their trust in you and you in them. Honesty, I believe is imperative for consent. Can I fully consent in a situation where information or feelings are intentionally withheld from me?
It’s not for me to judge if this or any person is emotionally healthy enough to make that call. But it is for me to say that, in this case, I will not take that chance.